Hey guys I’ll just be brief. Straight to the point. My wife is having an emotional affairs. Whats making it worse?
It’s with a pastor who has his own wife and children.
This man was her pastor when she was in the same state. Now they’re both in different states, How did I know?
I saw her chat with him about 2years ago, and saw all the sweet name calling, the pet names and how they tell each other their activities of the day and even marital problems. All the red flags and checklist of an emotional affairs have been ticked by them. The only thing remaining is the sexual part.
We’ve been married for some years now, she was a virgin when I married her though I’m 100% sure they have not met since we got married.
But the issue here is that this is causing serious friction in our marriage.
When I first saw it, I gave some time to be sure and I confronted her and she denied and said he’s just her pastor (denial is one of the checklist).
Some months later they didn’t stop the communication, I was about to tell her mum because she use to pay visit. She pleaded and I let it slide.
Fast forward to 2021 they are still in communication. This time around the so called pastor is even always reminding her to clear chats so I won’t see it.
Now emotional affair is actually worse than sexual affair. This pastor has a wife. I just pity the wife because I can imagine how she would also be feeling.
I provide for the home, I also had to change from biz to the one that makes me travel to something that makes me work from home so she won’t say it’s because I’m not always around.
We struggle with our sex life. What do I mean? She doesn’t like sex. She doesn’t mind if we stay 1 year without sex. But me I’m a man with sexual needs.
Now when I see the way she doesn’t like sex and I remember this emotional affair, it drives me crazy.
Those who have passed through this, how did you overcome this challenge? I don’t want a broken home for my children because sometimes I feel like calling her people and tell them to take their daughter back. In fact I’ll dash them the bride price.
Do I go and get a side chick? But that won’t solve my problem. Guys come to my aid.
Because if we discuss this again, this will be the 3rd time we’re talking about same issue and same guy.
How do I report a winners chapel pastor? Do I confront her about it again or just tell her people? My family members don’t know about it yet because if I mention it to them, her respect is gone forever.
We were friends for many years even before we got married. I didn’t marry her cos of virginity. Who virginity help? I married her cos she was my friend and we were compatible.
Response From Readers:
First stop reading blogs that define relationships. Lets go practical. I speak the truth and it might hurt.
Your wife and you got married not because you are best of friends but because you both seem to meet certain societal requirements you both set for yourselves. You wanted a virgin and a Church girl from a good home. She wants a good man with a good job who will love her.
This is where the problem starts. You and your wife might be married but you are not friends. She needs someone to be free with and currently you are not.. The pastor is.
Here is what you should do:
First ball is you; Are you the kind of guy that is not easily approachable by the wife on petty things? If you are, you need to change.
She must have access to you on everything. If she thinks about ABC, she must be able to gist about it with you. Be more open. As regards sex, she is a learner, teach her. Sex is not just the penetration. Learn about taking it slow ans steady move….
For the next few days, make love without penetrating her. make her relaxed, give her a good massage, help her clean her ear, arrange her hair, help her try on different clothes, just lie on the bed and gist, kiss and cuddle, give her head, cut her toenails, do everything that involves touching but no penetration. This will loosen her more.
Take the pastor’s phone number. Call him and tell him you are her husband. Don’t allow him to ‘pastorize’ you. Tell him you have seen the chats and you are disappointed. Tell him he should never contact your wife again or he is going to see hell on earth.
Tell him you will come into the church during service to embarrass him if he doesn’t stop contacting your wife. Tell him you will report him to Winners Headquarters in Ota and via social media then hang up the call.
Next ball park is your wife. Sit her down and have this conversation with her. Tel her the most important relationship she has is the one with you. Every other one is secondary.
Tell her you would love her more if she can make you her friend. If she has any thing to discuss, She should be free to do so with you. Show her love. Show her that she matters. Gist with her. You will win her back.
If he does that, the yeye pastor will place some Heavenly curses on his head.
From everything you wrote here, i can conclude she is not attracted to you so basically there is nothing you gonna do to make her change. There is obviously something she craves that you dont have and she is obviously not hiding it from you.This Pastor is gonna finally dick her whether you agree or not.
As for you, I feel your pains. You love her and want things to work. You can sacrifice for this marriage to work but that thing you married is a HOE. She is already feeling locked by you and wants space to explore her fantasies.
This advise gonna be hard but i will still stick with the bro code and tell my man the truth.
Your search for a compatible partner continues. Find a way to give this fe-mail a chance to go do whatever she wants with her pastor. Get another woman that will be happy to be a wife. Next time avoid virgins.
Make sure to find a woman you can both explore safe sex together before going to the alter. Kick her out so you get your sanity back.
My brother call the pastor and tell him to leave your wife alone that she is married, also tell your wife too if she did not stop all immoral communication with the said pastor that whatever her eyes see she should take it…
The biggest mistake as a man is marrying a woman that wasn’t meant for you. I pray may God heals your home. That is the best we can do for you.
As for me, I don’t put mouth into people’s marital affairs because at the end of it all, we all have our different battles. We can only pray to God to heal your home, give you wisdom to handle your problems and also give you peace.
Pray, pray, pray and pray without ceasing
Some years ago, my then girlfriend called me that she’s traveling from the state she’s working just to spend her birthday with me, i was so surprised, this girl that is stingy will spend such amount for transportation just to come and enjoy her birthday with me and called some dick_tation.
I noticed one of her pastor paid for her transport down to my current state, she spend the previous night servicing him, but he doesn’t want to pay for the servicing fee, because he thought the money she gave her for transport covered everything, this pastor is married with a pregnant wife o.
Pastors are very manipulative with their words, most ladies will open legs for their pastors cause they believe so much in them and respect them a lot. That’s why I don’t believe any word coming out from the mouth of those men, they don’t practice what they preach, they only know how to convince people with words
So youngman, is left for you to decide what to do with your woman, if her pastor preek is giving her joy and happiness, I’m sorry bros, even your prayers or words can’t stop her from collecting his preek. Just focus on your life and the way forward.
The Bible said and i quote “if your hand is making you to sin cut it off”, as for me i value my peace of mind more than any fvcking thing, i don’t mind if we have been married for years or months, if you as a wife disturb my mental health, i will leave the house for you and your fvcking sef. I value my sanity more than anything.
So oga, find a way to sought out yourself, the day you die, you die alone, life is too short for someone to be making you sad in this short time you have on eat.
Which one is emotional affair??
That pastor is on a mission to have a taste of the cookie you paid for.. for a pastor to tell your wife to always delete her chats is something to be worried about..
Them say na good morning dey bring how are you.. You are in a mess.. tell her parents what’s up cuz confronting her will still not bring any change.. report the pastor to his church. My humble opinion
7 Things You Should Do To Stop Her Emotional Affairs With Her Pastor
1. Focus on you wife, you are the husband here and she belongs to you…take that phone from her and block the hell of a pastor (don’t trust all those pastors sometimes they go beyond the Christian power).
2. Give her a strict last warning that the next time you see her chat with the man of satan, you will be forced to take a drastic decision that might end your marriage with her (ensure you munch her chats and have it sent to your own phone) . If she truly still loves you and care she will put a stop to it.
3. Get the man of satan number and give him a strict warning, that the next time her message pop up on you wives phone that he should be ready to eat the fruit of labour of those that gets fun from flirting with other people’s wives.
4. Go online and get winners direct email, create a a mail and forward them the chats of the man of satan with you now ex wife because after blocking her if she still have the nerve to unblock him and they continue their flirting, she is not then worthy to be called a wife
5. It’s high time you realise that the most important person to you, are you kids, plus your wife of course, but if she chooses to remove herself from the list, that’s her own headache, not yours.
6. Forget all those my wife no like sex, na lie
…its either she doesn’t find you enough attractive or you too motionless yourself during the act…..learn new tricks to spark up your sexual life …make her crave for you without asking for it….text her dirty before the act, good pre-intimacy before the act, don’t just always go straight to the point.
7. Be man, take charge, don’t let any two people kill your joy…